Today on The Big Lead Big Stream Holiday Podtacular, Stephen Douglas and Kyle Koster discuss one of their favorite holiday movies ever: Home Alone. We ranked the top 11 characters and discussed a violent children's film that might be the best Christmas movie ever. You know, if you think it's a Christmas movie at all. Rankings below!
11. Uncle Frank
The McCallister family is full of... difficult personalities. Uncle Frank may be the worst. A freeloading cheapskate who is shockingly rude to his youngest nephew. There's really not much to like. Unless you like free champagne and shrimp.
Yeah, being attacked by two murderous criminals on Christmas Eve is bad, but so is sharing the hide-a-bed with Roman Roy after he's had his fill of soda.
9. Kevin's Dad
Is he under arrest? No, don't worry about it. Just like he doesn't worry about leaving the garage door open or freaking out just because his 8-year old is "home alone" in another country.
8. Officer Balzak
DId you ever realize that Home Alone was one of the best cases for defunding the police ever put on film? Do you think John Hughes wrote ineffective police into every part of the script as a tribute to the boys in blue?
7. Old Man Marley
An urban legend turned into a friend. If the holiday spirit truly lives anywhere in Home Alone, it's in the redemption of Marley as he saves Kevin and makes up with his own son. The fact that he's the only family member to show up for the Christmas Eve church choir performance only proves what a good grandpa he really is.
6. Pizza Kid
Little Nero's is maybe the last place in America that can guarantee your pizza arrives in twenty minutes or less. Did they have to knock over a statue or two along the way? Yes. Did a delivery boy once have to dodge bullets in the Chicago suburbs? Also yes, but the people at that house tipped well the first time.
5. Kevin's Mom
Catherine O'Hara played the perfect panicked mom. She was completely out of control from the minute she realized Kevin was missing and made horrible decisions every step of the way. But she did it all out of love and was excellent.
4. Gus Polinski
Hard Polka, polka, polka. No? Twin Lakes Polka? Yamahoozie Polka, AKA Kiss Me Polka? Polka Twist? The Polka King of the Midwest was only in the movie for a few minutes, but he had some of the film's best lines.
3. Kevin McCallister
This movie does not work without Macaulay Culkin. This is the height of child acting. It's possible there is no one before or after Culkin who could have pulled off Kevin McCallister. Kevin was rude, funny, sweet. He had to carry a family movie and then become a younger version of Rambo.
Harry (2) and Marv (1)
There's really no wrong answer when you are asked to pick your favorite Wet Bandit. Harry is the short, stocky brains behind the operation. Marv is the tall, skinny dimwit. Joe Pesci invented and perfected swearing without swearing and made noises that we didn't know where humanly possible. Daniel Stern's subtle physical comedy throughout the movie is just as important. Harry and Marv are two of the all-time movie villains.